Thought for the Day

At the Playground

Yesterday afternoon Little P decided that it was high time we explored Washington Park. We both felt rotten from our head colds. As usual, he was right. The sunshine and fresh air did some good. Today we are both back to feeling miserable, but we offer some fresh pics for your perusal.

One in the basket, two for the show...

On Wednesdays, Benjamin gets to play with his cousins, Judah, the other fair-haired, blue-eyed boy, and Amel, boy with the big brown eyes and precocious smile.

All the mamas get to talk about the finer points of mothering while sipping coffee, snacking on scones, diffusing squabbles over toys, and changing stinky diapers.

The mamas have been commenting on how hard it is to get all the boys in one picture together while they're playing. Someone always has a back to the photographer, another won't make eye contact, another is just too darn fast to catch in focus.

Last Wednesday we made a grand attempt, and I think it turned out quite well. With all the color, I just couldn't help myself - enjoy the super-saturated, color-drenched shots of the cousins.

Oh my goodness. Look at Amel's smile. I just can't look at it without smiling myself!

Little goofballs in action! By the way, it was my idea to have the older boys sit on the baskets. It was Amel's idea to sit IN the basket.

Monkey see, monkey do. Benjamin is learning from the talented Mr. Judah.

Um...this is what tends to happen when you try to take a photo of these guys...

Look at each face. Just what is going on behind those eyes? Does anyone else suspect that there will be great mischief afoot one day?

Er...

Good, Lord! Mayhem erupts!

We're getting closer to a real portrait.

Ah! The final product! I just love the toes - Judah's poking our from under his pant legs, and Amel's pointing out of his basket. Precious!

Almost Walking

Little P is still almost walking. He now can walk holding on with just one hand. And if he doesn't realize he's doing it, he can stand for about 10 seconds on his own. He lacks the confidence to continue standing once he sees he's not holding onto anything. It's a matter of weeks, now.

Faker!

I've been sick for the past two days, and Benjamin has been really into the moments when I cough. Today after a coughing fit passed, I heard, at my feet, some elaborate fake coughing. I looked down to discover Benjamin, hand over his mouth and everything, working hard to produce a series of really miserable sounding coughs.

Boy Likes Truck

Now I am not intentionally reinforcing gender roles, but come on, people. This kid likes anything with wheels! This was by far the most exciting gift this year (though he does play with everything he received, thank you all very much. Thank you cards will be in the mail shortly.)

The kid will snuggle with a stuffed creature at bedtime but NOTHING gets a smile like this except the Tonka super scooper truck!

When he's not watching Def Leppard videos, Benjamin has been carefully examining Calvin Klein ads and watching America's Next Top Model (What kind of name for a show is that?!). In this picture he proves himself a match for Magnum, Blue Steel, and any other nonsense Derek Zoolander happens to throw his way.

Er, you do know I'm joking...

Too bad he kept making it hard for me to get a shot of his face, the truck, and whatever it is he's doing in there.

Besides trucks, Benjamin is really interested in cameras...

Christmas: Post Nap

Here are some photos of Round Two. By this time, as you will notice, Mama was dressed in a pair of Christmas pajamas. See, Papa thought it would be a good idea to, instead of buying a Mama a real gift, get Christmas jammies for the whole family. This story, with photos, will be shared as soon as we get the pictures from Grandpa's camera. (Hmmm...Grandpa?) For now you can look at Mama's jammies and imagine Papa in a similar pair. Don't hurt yourself laughing.

Benjamin was a little confused by one present. He thought the bubble wrap was the present.

See how much fun he was having when Mama tried to take it away? It was like our own little game. No, REALLY, Benjamin. Give it to Mama.

We're getting better at this...

Ah, a clear plastic drum with shapes inside of it!

Mama is modeling the correct use of the sticks. Good Mama!

Benjamin has his own style. He's been watching Def Leppard videos.

Was that a dog that passed by?

Got a caption for this one? Write it in the comments section.

Christmas Morning

Despite never having seen a present before, Benjamin proved an adequate wrapping-paper-tearer. You can see in the photos below that he wore his cutest, most photogenic dinosaur jammies just for the occasion.

Note: There were eight people at Grandma's that morning, hence the multitude of gifts in the background.

After opening a dozen or so presents, Benjamin wearied of it all and needed his morning nap. He still had gifts from all the out-of-town folk, so he resumed the ripping and tearing after he had breakfast and a quick snooze.

Pookey!

So that's how someone in my family once referred to "turkey" and it's been that way ever since, but I can't recall any details about the particulars. It's just one of those weird family things. In an effort to get caught up on posting, and to do it with some semblance of order, we'll have to dig down deep and remember an event from two months ago: Thanksgiving.

The P-Pod celebrated Thanksgiving with Mama's family. Uncles Mike's family came down the hill from Valley Center to hang out as well.

Little P's favorite food was, hands down, the turkey, as evidenced in the following pics. Close behind were Grandma's Swedish cardomum rolls (a secret family recipe) and mashed potatoes. The cranberries made his mouth pucker, and, no, I did not get a good shot of that bit of hilarity. Sorry.

Enjoy the progression of Benjamin's first bites of pookey! (I apologize for making you click on the itty bitty picture to see it - I thought I was being all creative, but blogger has preprogrammed postings in order to reduce certain types of creativity. Pththththt.)

Germs and Worms are Good!

Check out this article from the New York Times. I will no longer feel bad about forgetting to wash Little P's hands after he's been crawling around all day. (Seriously...I don't even think about it when I plop him in the high chair. This would, on some rare occasions, make me feel guilty.) This also explains why having a hairy pet such as a dog or cat reduces a child's chances of developing allergies.

Now, how can we get more parents to believe that we don't have to sanitize everything?

Emma and Kevin Visit

In addition to the festivities of Benjamin's birthday (which will be shared when Auntie Bek turns over the photos she took..hmmm, A.B.?), we greatly enjoyed the visit of Emma and Kevin this past week.

We had talked about possibly coinciding their first visit to California with Benjamin's first birthday. It seemed like a symbolic sort of thing. We wanted to share our community with them, to show them how loved and supported Benjamin is out here; and we wanted our family and friends to meet Emma and Kevin - to sort of demystify for them adoption part of this relationship. While everyone around us "gets" adoption, I think it's easy to forget if the birthparents aren't regularly visible. I love that we have opportunities like this to share the beauty of adoption and our open relationship with birthfamily members with our community.

I have to say, before we started down this adoption path, I never really thought about open adoption. It wasn't until I saw a healthy one in place (my friend Karen's story, which I've shared with you before) that I thought, "Huh. I want something like that." So I feel it's important to share our story with others. Maybe we can be some family's "huh"-example.

So what was the week like? Emma and Kevin stayed in a hotel about five minutes from our house. That made it really easy to visit. They explored a few things that make Southern California fun, namely, the beach. They also got to spend afternoons and a few evenings with us and Benjamin - seeing Benjamin's bedtime routine, playing with him, having dinner and visiting with us. It was really relaxed and fun.

On Sunday afternoon, we hosted a party for Benjamin with our community. We know that a one-year-old doesn't understand birthdays and presents and cake. But we wanted to share Emma and Kevin with everyone, and everyone with Emma and Kevin. We also wanted to share our appreciation for everyone who has supported us this past year.

The first year of adoption is a challenge for everyone involved. A birthmother is grieving. The birthgrandparents are worrying and wondering if they will ever see their grandchild. The adoptive family is ecstatic, and wanting to be sensitive, but wanting also to set boundaries just in case anyone gets weird in the future. Trust is either being built or eroded. There's a great need for grace even when empathy is hard to come by or there is a lack of understanding. Communication is essential, as is space to settle into this new situation in one's own way.

We are so fortunate. Emma and Kevin are thoughtful people. Their families have embraced us and shown love and interest in Benjamin. I needed some time to adjust mentally and emotionally (more than I anticipated!), and was able to do that. I believe we are building trust through this blog and making time for phone calls and visits. For people considering adopting a child, I encourage you to (if this is what the birthmother would like) be faithful in communicating with the birthmother. To go beyond, even if it's only a little, the legal minimum requirement for openness. It's just good for everybody's hearts.

I believe we are past the tricky part. In fact, it was probably only the first six months that qualified as "tough" (for us, I know that the anniversary of Benjamin's birth brought up some emotions for Emma). But as far as the "how do we do this" part, it's feeling pretty smooth these days.

Brent and I have said several time how much we enjoyed this visit. Now we have to look at the calendar and see when we can get to Rochester!

International Baby

Today at 3:00 we are going to City Hall to apply for a passport for Little P. This makes me chuckle - I didn't get my first passport until I was 22 and heading off to live in a country I could barely find on a map...for what became three years!

Little P's first foray into another country will be far less life-changing. We are meeting friends in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, in February. Hardly a real brush with the third world. We're excited to lay around in the sun (contrary to what ya'll like to think, Southern California does have a winter, and it's been averaging a high of 55 degrees around here until last week). Benjamin will get to play with Braden, an also much loved child of adoption, and the inspiration for our journey into a fully open arrangement.

Benjamin turns one year old tomorrow! Happy Birthday, little man. Here's your first passport. Travel well!

Gratitude

While I have a million things on my to-do list, and ya'll are probably dying for an update on Little P's holiday experience, I pause to share what is bursting from my heart right now. I am in the middle of folding a pile of laundry and the song "How Lucky We Are" by Meiko just came to me over the wireless waves of Pandora. I just have to finally write this stuff down.

Our lives have seasons of their own. Months or years of joy or sorrow or plain old hard work with little relief. And each season feels, when we are focused narrowly on some detail or another, like the rest of our lives. Especially when we are tired or trapped and having a hard time finding hope. Or, in my case all too often (so embarassing to admit, but here I go), my narrow focus leads me to seek scapegoats - people or circumstances outside myself that I can deem responsible for all that is lacking in my routine or relationships or spirituality. Oh, I do love to blame other people and things for my own failures!

But this is not the season I am in right now. My heart is exploding with gratitude.

Yesterday I picked up Little P and we started dancing to some happy song on the radio as we are wont to do. He laughs when I spin around, and he leans back, and his wisps of hair lift up in the breeze created as we turn in circles. As we danced around our incomplete, stained-carpeted, cluttered office I started crying from happiness. To have moments like that with my baby, to be able to stop everything and just love and be loved. To spin in circles and hear my baby's laughter...well, all I can say is thank you. To God, to Emma, to Kevin, to Brent. And I need to remember this when I start getting all microscopic on life.

And I am grateful for my husband. It is generally easy for me to be grateful for him - he is a man of integrity. He is a leader. He is constantly learning and allowing himself to be changed by God and wise people for the better. He is increasing in empathy and love. He adores his son and willingly helps out around the house and with the baby with no complaint. He expresses his love for me daily. He is trying new things and taking on fresh challenges. He is handy with tools and has incredible passion for life. He is strong. He works hard to provide for me and Benjamin, to make it possible for me to stay home with Benjamin.

I am blessed and I acknowledge it. And what a brat I would be if I squelched the joy with ingratitude! Please remind me of this when I start looking for scapegoats. Happy Monday, ya'll. Back to the laundry.

READERS: What are you grateful for? How are you blessed?

The Bathing Bear