Red Headband & Teething Necklace

Because we all need more of this

The Brown Hat Series

Oh, Miss Bright Eyes. You are so very cute.

Mama just can't help taking photos of you.

This hat is a special hat - it was knitted in Peru and given to Benjamin.

Alas...Benjamin's sweet head outgrew it in the first month.

But dainty Sadie will surely get a few more weeks out of it.

Two Peas in a Pod

I Heart Cloth Diapers

Because, for real, how cute is a heart on the bum?

* recycled skirt and t-shirt made into prefold by The Mama

Sadie's Four-Month Milestones

Weight: 14 pounds

Sadie can...

* laugh
* roll over...repeatedly...across the room and under the couch
* scoot across the room
* "play" with toys on the baby gym
* lying on her stomach, raise up on her hands (and sometimes, knees!)
* make a Cheerio mouth if you are demonstrating it to her
* hold on to small objects
* drink 8 ounces in one sitting
* "talk" really loudly
* roll off the changing table
* wiggle so much that it's hard to put on a diaper or dress her
* sleep for 8 hours at a time


Sadie can almost...

* sit up on her own

She is extremely alert and prefers to look out at the world when being carried...except in the mornings, when she clings to Mama and smiles and coos.

Sadie is an incredibly happy child.

No matter where you place her when laying her down in her crib, she will be somewhere else when you go in to get her later - smashed up in a corner, down at the other end, lying across the crib the short way, with one arm hanging out between the slats...

Sadie is working on a serious Buddha belly, and she has rad hair.

Want to see how far Sadie's come?
Three-Month Update,  Two-Month Update,  and  One-Month Update.

**Note: I am photographing Sadie each month in this chair. Look at past months to see how she's grown!

And just for fun, here's an extra shot!

About The Papa

The photo above is how The Papa spent his Father's Day - tinkering on cars with his son. And let me tell you...the son was just as pleased as The Papa to be occupied in the garage.

We love The Papa around here. (I picked a good one, I tell ya.)

Here's a glimpse into The Papa's life, and why I would vote for him for Father of The Year:

 :: He takes care of his family without complaint. He is responsible and we can depend on him. His word is gold. His yes is yes, and his no, no. Such a treasure in a world where commitment is hard to come by!

 :: He does the 5 AM feeding (or 4 or 6...whatever time Sadie gets hungry early in the morning), after which he goes riding or running, and, on most mornings, he still manages to clean the kitchen of whatever didn't get taken care of the night before.

 :: He changes dirty diapers without complaint.

 :: He frequently manages bath time for Benjamin in the evenings. This is the most challenging time of the day for me - Benjamin is wild and surly, dinner is being prepped, Sadie needs a bottle, and the dog is underfoot. The Papa's assistance keeps me sane.

 :: He changes the oil in the cars.

 :: He looks much younger than his 41 years. Lucky me.

 :: He adores his children. He shows not only affection and joy toward them, but also a willingness to sacrifice and serve them.

 :: He adores me. Our marriage is the foundation of our family - it is critical that we continue to put our love and marital health first. 

 :: He has tremendous integrity. There are no "little white lies" with him.

 :: He appreciates how I parent our kids. He expresses his appreciation. This means the world to me.

 :: He is patient with me and gives me space when I need it.

 :: He takes Benjamin out for father-son outings - hiking, biking, grabbing pancakes a the local greasy spoon, taking the dog for a walk. Benjamin and Sadie will always know their Papa loves them with his whole heart.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, BRENT!  I am so grateful to be parenting and living life with you.

To our birthfathers

There isn't an official Birthfather's Day, but I wish to acknowledge the birthfathers in our lives. Because their lives changed dramatically, so did ours - for the better. So for Father's Day, I want to say THANK YOU.

Thank you, Kevin and Roman, for loving your babies enough to choose a good home for them - our home. We are not perfect, but we love your babies with all our hearts. We will always do our best to care for their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

Thank you, Kevin and Roman, for not giving in to pride, or machismo, or manipulation, or whatever it is that tempts unprepared fathers to keep a child and then saddle the mother with all the responsibility. You have been humble and responsible in saying - now is not a good time for me to parent, but I will thoughtfully choose someone who can. It says much about your character.

Thank you, Kevin and Roman, for remaining in your babies' lives. They are benefiting from your love. They are young now, but we will no doubt see the major effect when they are teens or young adults - they will have grown up being assured that they were placed for adoption out of love rather than apathy or disdain. 

Thank you, Kevin and Roman, for allowing your family to be part of this journey. Your babies will always know where they came from - and knowing their roots, their history, and their "people" will be as valuable as the love and acceptance they have within their extended adoptive family. They need both.

Thank you, Kevin and Roman, for being so supportive of us as parents of your babies. Your positivity and encouragement are whole-heartedly appreciated.

We look forward to many years on this journey with you. We love you and are SO GRATEFUL for your choice to let us be Benjamin's and Sadie's parents.

Christmas Cookies, Part II

To get caught up on this story, you may want to familiarize yourself with Part I.

I wanted us to practice Advent - waiting, hoping, bringing our Savior to people with gentleness and joy. I hope for my children to grow with a love for God and man. This is not the kind of thing that occurs with mere words. As a parent I need to be modeling this, participating in it, and providing opportunities for my children to engage in it.

(A moment on my soapbox:  Ahem, I see so many well-meaning parents who teach their children the language of the Gospel, the theology of it, but when it comes to it, their children are not expected to live the Gospel, but rather a checklist of "moral" behaviors. Sadly, this is not the good news. Our children need to participate in the love of others, of ALL, in whatever ways are age-appropriate. It is our responsibility as Christian parents to impart this, not legalism, to our children. 


I am not a perfect parent, so this is not a judgment on those parents. We're all a work in progress. I just see how our intentions can be so easily waylaid if we are not intentional.  I do teach morality and manners to my children, but I do not mistake them for the Gospel which is something else entirely more alive and important.)

So. Benjamin and I wrapped up these little goodies, put some tidings of comfort and joy on the tag, and hit the streets of downtown Escondido. I did not care to knock people over the head with the entire story of Jesus. I am pretty sure that in most cases that doesn't work. Instead, our tidings were personal, and pointed to God quickly and quietly: GOD has shown us much GRACE and MERCY. May you experience the same. Merry Christmas!

And now the story gets very cool.

See...I have these prejudices.

I try not to, really. But I get ideas in my head about the who and how, and next thing I know, that's the only way to be. In my mind, we were going down to find some homeless/hungry people and to feed them, albeit, with sugar cookies.

(Neat insight - when I was feeling sheepish that our attempt to "feed" people with dessert rather than something substantive, a friend pointed out that part of observing Advent was considering others rather than ourselves. For a three-year-old, sharing broccoli requires no sacrifice. But sharing cookies, well, that requires a good deal of considering our neighbor to be as important as ourselves. I was greatly encouraged.)

So I was on the lookout for folks in dire straits. Scruffy folks. In particular, one woman who sits on the bench on a main intersection. We walk past her all the time. We say good morning, but she doesn't respond. Her gray hair and thick glasses slump down into the heap of blankets over her shoulders.

First, we approached said homeless woman. I demonstrated for Benjamin - held out the bag of cookies and said something like, "Merry Christmas! We just wanted you to have these." She, cheap coffee in one hand, cigarette in the others, shooed me away gruffly. "Rglsifujbvlksuhf," she muttered. Or something like that.

OK. Rebuffed by a lady in a heap of blankets.

We went on. This time I gave Benjamin a bag and told him he could give it to whoever he wanted.  I wanted this to be a Benjamin thing. I wanted HIM to experience the joy of following God's lead. And this is how it went.

We walked. And walked. And walked. Sometimes I would point someone out to him and he shook his head, no. And then, he peered into the vacuum shop and saw a little girl. A lovely little Mexican girl in there with her family, a girl with long wavy hair pulled into two tight pigtails. He beelined through the door and stuck his hand out. "Here," he said, and marched back outside.

My prejudice? I would not have picked a kid - her parents would probably make her throw out the cookies. But hey, my pick so far had turned me down. Perhaps I should watch and see how God would lead.

He took another bag. Every time we came to an intersection I asked him which way to go. Sometimes we went straight ahead, sometimes we turned. We came to a couple seated on a bench, sharing a 40 oz. brown glass bottle wrapped in a paper bag. Benjamin slowed down. He eye-balled them as we passed. Then he turned back and stuck out his cookies. I explained what we were doing. They smiled and said thanks and a said he was so cute and so on.

My prejudice? None. I was OK with giving cookies to people with evident drinking problems.

We crossed the street to walk up the other side.

A skinny young man with all the outward signs of a meth addiction sat in a patch of sunlight. I took charge on this one. "Are you hungry?" I asked. "Yeah," he said.

"You want some cookies?" I asked.

"Sure!" he said. And Benjamin gave him some.

He turned and put them in his back pack. We saw him later down the street handing them to someone. A trade for something, perhaps? Awesome. With all my prejudices, I make really great decisions.

We got closer to the French Bakery. No one dining in there would be hungry or homeless. But Benjamin decided that was the place for the next delivery. He marched into the middle of the cafe. He searched the room, turning almost a full circle. People started looking at him.  I stood just outside the glass door watching. Starting to feel a little embarrassed.  Feeling like we were attracting attention. Like we were weird.

Benjamin picked a young woman in business attire. She had long, dark, curly hair and tasteful make-up. He went up and placed the cookies on her table as she chatted with her friend. She startled, looked at him, then looked around for his mama, for some explanation. I waved with my fingers through the glass, and motioned for Benjamin to come back out.

My prejudice? That professionally attired folks don't qualify as needing anything.

Our last bag of cookies. Benjamin lead on - now taking some turns and twists that landed us in an alley. Not some dark dangerous place, but certainly an area that smelled like urine and where an occasional shopping cart or pile of belongings signified people living in the shadows. Benjamin asked about these piles. We talked about how some people live outside. How they are sometimes hungry. How we can be friends with them.

Eventually we passed two men sitting on the back step of a closed down business. By this time, I was over myself. Clearly my meddling in this affair was going nowhere. I said hello as we passed, the guys mentioned how cute Benjamin was, and then he handed them his cookies. They thought he had gotten them at some event, and they said no, they would never take a kid's cookies. I told them we had made them specifically to give away, and it was his decision to give them the cookies. They smiled so broadly and said thanks.

As we walked away they opened the bag and shared the cookies.

I'm not sure what Benjamin learned from the experience, but I have seen how foolish my preconceived notions can be. I am, indeed, a silly girl who needs to follow around her toddler more - asking him, shall we go this way or that?  For God can more easily speak to one who has the eyes of a child.

Look who wants to crawl

THIS little stinker was up on her knees and hands today, briefly perhaps, but with a determined gaze in her eye. I can hardly believe how strong and mobile she is. I will no doubt be chasing her soon. In the meantime, isn't she just the sweetest little thing?!

Roman's Graduation Dinner

Well, Roman is officially out of high school. Congrats to him! Tonight we got to celebrate with him and his extended family. Such a great time!

Such a great time, in fact, that I totally forgot to take a photo of Roman. Sorry, dude. But I did get a few cute pictures of other folks. Like this one:

Here is Angelica (in the middle, Sadie's Nana) with her two sisters - Yvonne and Ana.  Yvonne and I sat and talked for a long time, and Ana kept making sure that I had enough hot tortillas at my fingertips. This leads to two topics that were on my mind this whole evening. Which shall I mention first? 

OK, #1...the food. DELICIOUS. I am already a big fan of Mexican food, but when prepared by someone at home it is beyond fantastic. Nana stayed up until the wee hours of the morning preparing beans, shrimp ceviche (the best I've ever had), salsas, BBQ chicken and carne asada. I ate, and ate, and ate.

And #2...I feel so blessed to be adding the M family to our family!  Everyone was so kind and hospitable, so polite and welcoming. It can be a funny thing, crossing cultural and language lines. People can get all weirded out by it.  The Papa and I, having lived abroad for a number of years, welcome it. Still, in the U.S., there can be fears and stereotypes in people's minds. I felt none of that tonight.

I guess there's a #3. Some family members spoke broken English. I speak very broken Spanish. (Confession - I didn't even try to speak Spanish.) As I would love for both my kids to be bilingual, and we now have extended family who speak Spanish, I am feeling serious about brushing up on my language skills. Despite five years of instruction, I just wimp out. No more.

Basically, everyone just sat around under the tents/tarps...what do you call 'em? and visited. The little kids ran around the yard eating not-yet-ripe kumquats, rolling a ball, and drinking far too much fruit punch. Er...perhaps that was just Benjamin.

Which leads me to my favorite shots of the evening. Some of the kiddos:

Chris, Benjamin, Analise, and Eliya (not sure about the spelling...)

Analise is Sadie's direct cousin - and now Benjamin's cousin, too. Chris and Eliya are sort of cousins-in-law.

Clearly Chris and Benjamin were getting along quite well.

That's about it. I was too busy enjoying myself, so I did not remember to take many photos. Ah, well...next time.

Little Update

The kiddos have been sick this week: Benjamin had a two-day bout with fever (no other symptoms except the fatigue and neediness associated with fever) and Sadie has been battling a two-week sinus cold that turned into an ear infection and fever. We got meds for her Friday night, so I hope she will be feeling better soon.

In other news, I still have updates to put up from the swiftly-becoming-distant-past...so check back this week for Part II of the Christmas Cookies Affair, a description (with photos!) of Grandma Doro's and Aunt Linda's visit in January, and a slideshow of Benjamin's 3rd birthday - also from January.  How exciting, you say!

Yes, indeed.

Adoption Center Picnic

Sadie and Roman

Every year our adoption agency hosts a picnic for birth and adoptive families. This is a common practice among agencies - sometimes it serves as the one annual visit for a birthparent. That's a pretty legalistic view, and I am happy to be with folks who approach open adoption with the attitude that the picnic is a time for fun and celebration, not a means to meet an obligation. The assumption is that we are all in relationship, and this is one of many visits.

Sadie with a few of the men in her life: Papa, Roman (birthfather), Enrique (grandfather)

So we met at a park in Coronado and hung out with Roman's family, our adoptive friends and their children's birth families. It was a delicious potluck and grilled burger affair, and Benjamin wore himself out in the bounce house (always a plus!)

Vivid and Sweet

Gramma Karen and Grandpa Paul came to visit last month. Can you tell Benjamin is related to them? No, I didn't think so. The P-Pod took the opportunity to head over to Grandma and Grandpa's (Mama's folks) house for a weekend vacation as well.  (Gramma and Grandpa have a house with enough bedrooms to host us all, God bless 'em.) What a fun weekend!

Benjamin soaked up the attention, to be sure. He and Grandpa Paul explored the hill and stream behind the house. And he got lots of extra snuggles from Grandma Karen.

It was this visit where so much of the grace discussed in this post became vividly evident. One of the beautiful things about open adoption is that the relationships change. They grow. What it looks like one season may be quite different the next. We have always had openness with Emma's family, but there was a sort of new level of love that came with this visit.

I believe that if we all lived close enough to hang out regularly, this intimacy would have developed earlier, but that's OK. We did not intend to have an adoptive situation across such distance, and it is not ideal in that way. At the same time, I believe in God's timing and direction, so I just enjoy every surprising and beautiful turn in Benjamin's story.

And...I am pleased these photos turned out so lovely. Aren't they sweet?

Auntie Liz

Catching up on old news which will be new news to you...

In April, Auntie Liz came to visit. Auntie Liz lives in Rochester. She's Benjamin's biological auntie. We were so excited that she had time to stop in during her whirlwind California tour!

We spent the afternoon at the Safari Park. We had the privilege of seeing a baby cheetah as well as the beautiful butterfly exhibit (Sadie and I are wearing a butterfly below.)

Auntie Liz shares a love of Africa with us (Mama and Papa) and some pretty serious musical ability with Benjamin.

I will say this every time, but it's so true and important, open adoption is such a blessing. That Benjamin can have so many loving aunties and grandparents and cousins in his life only reinforces that he is wanted and adored.  He will always know where he came from as well as where he's at. Actually, that has very much blended together.

Now...to post some more photos because I still have stuff from December (!) to share with you.

BenTV 022: An Interview with Sadie

Are they superheroes or do they just like to fight?

This is Benjamin's best "mad guy" face.  Mad guys like to fight. Mad guys seem to comprise both superheroes and evil doers - the most important feature is that they fight. There's something about that stern, intimidating expression on the faces of strong men - whether they wreak havoc or save the planet, they share this characteristic.

At the bookstore the other day he approached another little boy.

"Do you like mad guys?" he asked.

"Here's a book about dinosaurs!" the boy replied.

"I like mad guys and wace cars!" Benjamin declared.

"???" the boy's mother's face said.

Mind you, he has yet to see a superhero show of any sort. He has accumulated all his knowledge from one comic book he ran into in the library and about 5 minutes of the Karate Kid fight scene. He has played with other kids' action heroes - Spiderman, Buzz Lightyear, and I don't even know what else. Amazing how much information can be gleaned from mere brushes with these things.

So our rule around here is that fighting is fine - as long as you are fighting the air. We don't fight people or toys or the couch...just the air. Benjamin has gotten quite good at this. In fact, I have been known to help him refine his side kick from time to time.

BenTV 021: His First Recital

I am trying to catch up on important events around here. In May, Benjamin performed in his first recital with the Young Artists Symphony of San Diego. YAS is one of the only organizations that will take a student as young as Benjamin. He has been learning in group lessons taught with the Suzuki method. All the children learn the songs, but the more advanced students are learning finger placement and the youngest ones are merely playing on one string, learning the bow hold and the rhythm in the variations. Lessons are always accompanied by the piano (as you will hear in the music on the slideshow). During the concert the little guys were actually accompanied by the much older kids as well as the piano.

Enjoy!

A few favorites

BENJAMIN has been into a few things lately. "Mad guys" are particularly en vogue. And then there are race cars and monster trucks, and, of course, marbles. A bag of marbles I bought for 50 cents at a garage sale has brought him wondrous joy. It's brought me wondrous nuisance, finding these little glass orbs all OVER the house, stashed in the sheepskin rug, hiding in the toothpaste drawer, rolling out from under the sofa, rattling around in a guitar...

But I find it pretty precious that at an age where most three-year-olds have oodles of licensed characters in their toy boxes, my son attaches himself to tiny balls of glass.

He also favors going out to the garden to check on the pea plants, and eating fruit prematurely picked - stunted green apples, carrots pulled from the ground with a mere 3 inches of orange, and bitter peas that need a few more weeks on the vine.

His favorite music is still rock and roll, but he did ask me to put on some blues the other day. He can also correctly identify the sounds of many instruments - stand-up bass, trumpet, cymbals, cow bell, drums, high hat, piano, organ, flute, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, violin. He likes to tell me that things like the trombone and french horn and saxophone are brass instruments.

His favorite shows are Blue's Clues and Word World - I have tried to get him to like Sesame Street, but he remains skeptical.

SADIE, sweet Sadie, loves hanging in the bouncy swing in the doorway. In fact, when she's awake, she insists on being vertical. She loves to smile, and she is just beginning to actually giggle. Every now and then a true giggle slips out, and then it's gone just as soon as it came. Sadie LOVES being diaper free - when the diaper comes off and her bum is wiped she smiles and smiles. Take all her clothes off and she gets downright giddy.

Sadie's favorite beverage right now is the soy-based formula. Her tummy did not like the cow's milk-based stuff, but once she made the transition to the soy, she was happy. She loves her thumb - it is more preferable to her than the pacifier. And these days she's gnawing on her fists and drooling like crazy - we think, perchance, some teeth are on their way.

Probably Sadie's favorite person right now is Benjamin. She will seek him out, and when she catches sight of his face, she just grins and grins.

So those are a few of our favorite things!

Rollover!

That's right, our dear sweet Sadie rolled over this past weekend for the first time. Now she rolls over a couple times a day.

Los Abuelitos

Sadie met her grandparents, Nana and Tata, last month. And her Auntie Vanessa. And her Uncle Rene. And her eighteen-month-old cousin Analise.

We are so excited to have Roman's family in our life!  There are some complicated relationships in Sadie's backstory - so we were thrilled to welcome Sadie's biological family into our lives.

We will share more as we all get to know each other, but for now, I just wanted to introduce you to the newest members of The P-Pod.

Let's talk about grandparents...and grace.

In the telling of one's story of open adoption, grandparents often get a faint mention at best. They did not give birth, choose an adoptive couple, or decide, themselves, to adopt. They may or may not have been consulted. At times, a birthmother may not even tell her parents, or those of her boyfriend, that she is pregnant. They might, in fact, be awful parents themselves; they may be neglectful or immature. They may just be out of the picture.

But what if the grandparents turn out to be another conduit of grace in the adopted child's life? What if their hospitality crosses the boundary of family name to embrace the child's other biological or adoptive family?

See,

...adoptive parents have thought through the decision to adopt. They have read about it, considered all their options, consulted friends who have adopted, prayed, come to terms with it, researched adoption agencies, been evaluated, been evaluated again, and perhaps again. By the time the child arrives, adoptive parents are all in. Adoptive parents are READY. They are ready to open their arms to this tiny person. They are willing to open their lives to the birthparents. There is some adjustment in figuring out exactly what the open relationship will look like, but they are not so much adjusting to any of the ideas in open adoption.

Birthparents have thought through their decision to place their baby. They have read about it, met someone for more information about it, cried many tears, researched adoption agencies, considered all their options, prayed, come to terms with it, chosen an adoptive couple, been excited about meeting an adoptive couple, and began the process of knowing this couple and developing trust in them. When the child arrives, they grieve, but they have reasons for making this choice and they remember them. They worry that things won't pan out the way they hope, but they know the couple means well. They are, no matter how they are grieving, following through on a choice built on a foundation of careful thought and reasoning. They have wrestled with it daily for nearly nine months.

What of the adoptive grandparents? They have been on this journey, to some degree, with their children. They are excited to welcome a child into the family. When the child arrives, they shower this child with gifts and love as if he were born of their family blood. But who are these birthparents? What flaws do they have? How might they interfere with their children's happiness, with their grandchild's adoptive family?

There is opportunity for suspicion, for harping on flaws, for discouraging the adoptive parents' attempts to embrace the birthparents. But what if...? What if the adoptive grandparents welcome the birthparents, too? What if they honor the journey that mama took in order to bring that child into the adoptive family? What if the adoptive grandparents not only welcome the birthparents, but their extended family...and call them, simply, family? Not birth, not extended, not any particular label...just family?

Now that is something. But here is even more grace:

What of the biological grandparents?  What if they were left out of the birthmother's decision-making process? What if they offered to raise the child and that was denied? And now the child is gone, after a few brief moments of holding the child in the hospital and meeting a couple who were eagerly waiting to bring the child into their home.  What of their disappointment in the situation? Perhaps their disappointment in their own son or daughter? The gloom, the worry, the wondering about this openness thing.

But then...someone says, come. Come and see your grandchild. Come and hold her in her nursery. Come and be part of his first birthday party. Yes, you may give him Christmas presents. Yes, you may attend her christening. Yes, you may talk to her on the phone. Yes, you may stay with us when you visit from out of town.

And the biological grandparents realize that their role never had to change. So they lavish love on this little child as they would have if he had remained within the boundary of their family name. And this, too, is beautiful.

And then...

the adoptive family

adopts

again. 

And here the grace makes me weep from the fullness of my heart...what if the biological grandparents of the first adopted child choose to adopt the second child as their own grandchild.

My God, it is too beautiful.

Of course it is not a legal arrangement, but one of the heart.

See,

...this is how Benjamin's biological grandparents have responded to our dear little Sadie. Both sets of grandparents have offered to include her as their grandchild. Grandma Karen, in fact, came up with this imagery - sharing how, by adopting her grandson, we became, in a manner of speaking, her adopted children. Thus, any other children we should have, even by adoption, would in turn be her grandchildren by adoption.

Oh, we have grace lavished on us indeed.

At one time we became a family's answer to prayer. And now we turn and look at that family as an answer to our prayer. That our children who come to our family piecemeal - with different ancestors and DNA, with different color and features - could be treated by ALL their family members as blood. That no one child would receive less attention because one biological family situation does not equal another...this is an answer to the yearning of a mother's heart. This is yet another way how God can work through open adoption.