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Week Two Snaps

Benjamin is modeling his new favorite hat, received as a gift from our beloved neighbors Tim and Judy. He is in his natural surroundings - his car seat - as he awaits his visit to the pediatrician.

Note that in the second picture he looks like he is ready for his own soapbox. Do not be alarmed. Though he already has great opinions on things like the length of time necessary to change a diaper and the type of milk or formula that produces the least amount of spit-up, he has assured me that he will not be beating the streets for activism any time soon. He was, in fact, only yawning when this photo was snapped.

Week Two Weigh In

Benjamin is a whopping 8 pounds. The doctor said that he is a very healthy little boy. Benjamin told me that he really likes Dr. Larsen, but he wishes he didn't have to get naked every time he sees him. Yeah, I said. I understand.

Lactation Station Shuts Down

Some of you have been asking about, or encouraging, even looking for inspiration from my attempts to induce lactation. Alas, this train has stopped running.

Before I let you into Station Lack-o'-milk, I want to share that BY FAR my favorite comment about this whole endeavor came from Cara, a friend and reader of much Latin American literature, who loved the idea of inducing lactation because it was a "bit of magical realism". I really liked the idea of living out something from a Garcia Marquez story, although if it were truly a Garcia Marquez tale, some dark creature might have crept out of a clay pot and bathed me with a lactation charm which would have been a whole lot easier than spending time with Miss Lactina. But I digress.

So, leaving behind the magical and focusing on the realism, I found that inducing lactation with a newborn in the house is laughable for two primary reasons: one, the supplemental nursing system (SNS) is a nuisance, and two, who has time to sit around with suction cups on their breasts when they're caring for an infant?!

The SNS is shown in the photo. No, that is not my boob. Mine is significantly smaller. You can see that there are multiple small parts, and things that have to be taped precisely in the right spot. Yes, ouch. The milk/formula is put into the little container and the baby feeds by sucking the nipple with the precisely placed tube. This allows the baby to eat and the breast to be stimulated to eventually produce milk.

Besides the logistics, which included sucking hot soapy water through the tube after every use in order to clean it out (10 times a day), and the taping and peeling off of tape from my skin to use the SNS, Benjamin decided that the tube was just not quite right in the mouth. Feedings began to last for over an hour and required me to retape the darn thing to the other breast when he got bored of the first. And he would shake his head back and forth with his mouth open and around the tube while making little grunting noises (which are cute now, but were just way too primal for my patience at the time). The cleansing of the contraption left my hands all dry and my fingers hangnaily.

Thus, I tired of the routine and began to dread feeding time. One night as I cried frustratedly at 2 am with a crabbing baby on my lap, I decided to just do the bottle at night. Oh, my, gosh. Life became manageable again. But I felt like I had given up on the whole thing too soon. I thought about the possiblity of nursing for a whole year...and by starting him on the bottle I was saying no to that. So I kept trying to use the SNS for a few more days, and finally, when Brent said he would gladly help with feedings if we used a bottle, and when my mom (who breastfed all four of us and gave birth naturally) told me not to feel bad if I couldn't make this happen, and when several experienced neighbor ladies said I need to take care of myself and not to try to do too much...I said, okay. It's really okay.

I have learned that probably the only way to accomplish this (if you are interested...such as Tara, who is in the process of adopting from China) is to start early. Get some milk in before the baby arrives so that you don't have to use the SNS. Take the herbs and all that, but the key is starting long before the child arrives. I was able to do that for baby Levi. But when his adoption fell through, I was discouraged and emotionally spent and I just couldn't get myself to return to the routine when I was sick and exhusted. Benjamin, on the other hand, kind of snuck up on us and I was not prepared.

One more bit of perspective: people into the whole lactation inducing thing advise taking a drug called Domperidone - it is the only way to ensure a full supply of milk. The thing that worries me about it, and the reason I did not seek it out and use it, is that there has not been enough research done on how it affects the infant. I'm kind of a natural, less-medicine-is-best kind of gal, but I did consider this possibility for supplying my own breastmilk until I heard that part. It's one thing to knowingly sign up for your own side effects. It's another to subject your baby to some unknown drug runoff in your milk.

This Lactation Station is officially closed.

Eau d' Spit-up

Last night Benjamin was even more burpy than usual and I received spit-up in about a dozen places on my pants. (It happened over the course of about two projectile-type burps.)

So today I put those same pants back on for a walk to the dog park. Oooooh, boy. I was the hit of the park. All the dogs came by to sniff me, and sniff, and sniff. I couldn't figure out why I was the dog celebrity of the moment, and then I recalled...

What's an open adoption?

Many people have asked, just what does open adoption mean? So I think it's time to explain:

At the most basic level, an open adoption is one where the adopted child knows who his birthmother is and, when applicable, who his birthfather is. The birthparents also receive photos and regular updates about the child until the age of 18. Annual visits (often a couple of hours at a picnic at the adoption agency) are negociable as well.

The level of openness is something that is worked out between the birthparents and the adoptive parents, and it is written into a legal document that the adoptive parents must agree to. Adoptive parents can be taken to court for failing to perform anything that was signed in the openness agreement.

Now, I consider our adoption arrangement more open than most cases because, while we have agreed to the most basic standards as mentioned above, we are leaving room for much more contact and communication. Currently, we communicate frequently by email and phone with Emma and Kevin. Their friends and family have access to this blog. And, Emma is providing breast milk for Benjamin during these first few weeks. Future openness will work itself out, but might include their presence (possibly along with family and friends) at major events in Benjamin's life. At this point, we are just keeping Emma and Kevin in the loop, and they are deciding what they want to pursue. And, Emma and Kevin are free to write him letters, send gifts, speak to him on the phone, and so on.

We all chose an open adoption knowing that if presented appropriately, Benjamin will not view his adoption as a result of being unwanted. Instead, he will be loved by his extended families on all sides. All the more love for the little guy.

Entertainment, Benjamin style

Well, Benjamin has some interesting ideas of fun. First of all, his favorite song these days (and he loves to request it when feeding or drifting off to sleep) is "Dona Nobis Pacem". Fortunately, I learned this tune in high school choir with Mr. Inscoe and am able to keep up with his requests. (Thank you, Mr. Inscoe).

Benjamin also likes listening to poetry read out of A Family of Poems - Caroline Kennedy's (the late) favorite poetry for children. He doesn't really look at the pictures - usually he peers at the most dominant source of light in the room - but he enjoys hearing the rhyme, and he particularly appreciates sophisticated use of symbolism.

Lastly, the day wouldn't be complete without a walk in the park. Benjamin cozies up in a Koala suit graciously handed down by his fabulous Cousin Molly (6 months his senior, or thereabouts) and hunkers down in his sling, a heavy duty affair that Mama doesn't really like to wear but has proven very effective at retaining warmth. Truth be told, he doesn't do much walking. In fact, he surreptitiously sleeps in the sling (shhh, don't tell anyone).

Tears, Please

I can't believe it! Benjamin's eyes filled with tears today! I thought newborns didn't get tears for some time. Maybe he'll be a fast developer.

Beware of Baby!

Dear me. This lovely, precious, soft little guy is now armed and dangerous...with spit-up. Innocent burps have become time bombs, ready to explode with curds and froth at any time. Cuddle at your own risk.

One Week B-day Photos

Here's a sneak preview. To download high res versions that you can make into prints, click on this link to my Picasa album.

1st Outing

Benjamin took his first outing today (besides the big drive from Rochester to Albany). He accompanied me to a women's bible study at church and he was so great! Basically he slept the whole time, but he was able to do it with all kinds of stuff going on around him. Yay! Easy traveler! That will be an important part of growing up in this family and I am so happy to see that it's not a struggle. (Yet. I do realize they go through phases.)

Fun Facts

• # of sets of hiccups per day: 1.5
• average # of burps per feeding: 5
• # of outfits that fit him exactly right: 0
• # of times mom has gotten peed on so far: 2
• worst case of the poopies: 3 diaper changes in an hour and a half
• # of hearts he's stolen in our household: 2

My boys on a Sunday morning

Such a handsome little guy!

This guy came loaded with some great genes...and we can't take credit for any of them! The picture of him in the pink and blue hospital blanket was taken on 1/16. The others were taken today. The doctor called the little reddish patches "stork bites." I'll try for some shots with his eyes open tomorrow.

Blue Football

I was going to wait to put these up until I had time to write about this very special ceremony. With the clamor for photos, though, it seems wise to post them now. Details on this whole process are coming soon. The birthparents, Emma and Kevin, are in the black and white photo. The beautiful blue blanket was made for him by Emma.