Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What's the significance of Baby P's name?

A: Benjamin means "son of my right hand" - given to him by us. It took tremendous effort from our hands, and minds, and hearts in order to add him to our family. Anwel means "beloved" - given to him by his birthparents, Emma and Kevin.

Q: What were Baby P's birth stats?

A: Born January, 2008, 7 lbs, 8.5 oz, 19 inches

Q: What is your adoption story?

A: This is a story I will eventually tell in complete form. For now, the nutshell version: Papa P and I weren't getting pregnant, even after four years and some simple fertility treatments. Nothing was found to be wrong, but instead of automatically sinking money into invasive treatments, we paid attention to the nudge we felt like we were getting from God - to adopt. We looked into international and domestic adoption and, full details in the long version, decided to go domestic. We were committed to one birthmother - but it fell through (after watching Levi be born and spending two days in the hospital with the mom) minutes before we were to walk out the door with him.

We were almost immediately then connected to Emma. We answered a million and one questions and were eventually chosen by Emma and Kevin to adopt Baby P.

The bottom line of both the short and extended versions is that we feel that God had everything to do with the match of Baby P with our family. It is clear that we were the right match for Emma and Kevin, and they were the right match for us. So many factors could have prevented us from hooking up with them...but in the end, they didn't.

Q: What does it mean to have an open adoption?

A: Basically, it's one where the adopted child knows who his birthmother is and, when available, who his birthfather is. The birthparents receive photos and regular updates about the child until the age of 18. Annual visits (often a couple of hours at a picnic at the adoption agency) are negotiable as well.

Our situation is much more open than most. We're communicate with Emma and Kevin by phone and email; we're in touch with some of their relatives who email, visit, and/or send letters; we accommodate far more than the annual visit as stipulated in the openness agreement. We also try to keep everyone up to date through this blog. Click here for the original post on this topic.

Q: Is an open adoption difficult as an adoptive parent?

A: Yes. Absolutely.

But the better question is, is it the right thing to do? And again (if the birthmother wishes to have an open adoption), the answer is: Yes. Absolutely. Because, ultimately, the entire adoption is for the good of the child. There may be instances where a birthmother is so extraordinarily difficult or mentally ill that openness naturally is quite limited. However, a friendly relationship between a birthmother and adoptive parents is the best scenario for the growth of the child.

I can't say how much Baby P will one day want or need to know about his biological roots. He may be satisfied with the occasional visit. He may want to know his entire extended biological family. He may even, as a teen or young adult, need a lot of contact as he wrestles with his identity. I cannot know now what he will need as he matures, so I maintain a relationship with his biological family - it will help me understand the parts of him provided by nature, and he will have the opportunity to explore his roots to whatever extent he desires.

Q: What are your thoughts on baby products?

A: I hope to reduce my baby's exposure to toxins by using organic products when possible - this will also show kindness to the environment. I believe in reducing waste by using cloth diapers, and reducing plastic consumption by having wooden toys. Buying fairly traded items will promote global market decency while exposing my child to cultures from around the world. Handmade items are particularly cherished. And hand-me-downs are just as exciting as brand new.

Q: I'm considering using cloth diapers. What do you recommend?

A: I love this topic! Click here for the posts where I've discussed my findings.

Q: I'm concerned about the cocktail of household chemicals surrounding my child. What do you know about "green" cleaning products?

A: Another adventure in learning! Click here for past postings on the green clean.

**Note: The FAQs section will be updated as questions come up.